Never thought I would ever say this, but I really need to start school now.
My brain is rusting and the cells are being killed.
Being someone who needs to work twice (or more) as hard as others and being doubly (or more) lazier than others I need my brain to function...
What with being stacked amongst the real scholars; maybe luck would decide to pack its bags and leave to help some other random low-confidence, brain-rusting fellow.
Oh: I'm suffering from larynxitis, like every other year. So it'll be life as a mute schmuck from now on till hopefully three or four days later. No complaints, I deserve to get sick anyway.
I want to kill Samuel Eto'o and Lionel Messi. That amateur-at-MU-traitor-at-Barca Pique for going back there. It's not their fault, but... we need a scapegoat. Hah. That guy Guardiola, first season and three major titles to his name. I mean, how unfair could it get?
I can't believe I stayed up to watch my team back away when the opposition got the ball. I muttered (people were sleeping) 'bodoh' a myriad of times. Don't blame me.
Confession: Law is BORING. I need to recapture my interest towards it or, I'll be, well -
DEAD MEAT would be the best word.
Until next time, me.
May 31, 2009
May 2, 2009
Dia Anak YB..
"Sesungguhnya Kami telah mengemukakan amanat kepada langit, bumi dan gunung-gunung, maka semuanya enggan untuk memikul amanat itu dan mereka khawatir akan mengkhianatinya, dan dipikullah amanat itu oleh manusia. Sesungguhnya manusia itu amat zalim dan amat bodoh"
Surah Al Ahzab, ayat 72
Biarlah aku kekal pada aturan asal blog ini: watak – watak yang anonymous dan hanya berkisar luahan ringan topik – topik remeh dalam hidup aku. Bahasaku memanglah bahasa LD, jadi sebarang kesalahan dalam bahasaku – tidak kira bahasa Melayu atau English ataupun kedua – duanya sekali, aku memang akui.
Perbualan di bawah bukanlah rekaan semata. Cuma aku sudah memotong bahagian – bahagian yang mundane dan tiada kaitan dengan topik yang bakal aku utarakan hari ini.
A : Kawanmu tu, setiap hari datang bawa motosikal siapa?
B : Motornya sendirilah.
A : Dia ada motor sendiri?
B : Bukan motor saja, kereta pun ada.
A : Padahal masih bawah umur. Mana ada lesen?
B : Memang begitu dia bah. Dalam dompetnya tidak pernah lekang 50 ringgit.
A : Ndakpala, orang kaya jugak dia.
Mau juga aku fikir yang aku ni jenis yang tidak sibuk hal orang lain. Mungkin aku akan mendengar kisah – kisah begini dan berdasarkan mood, mungkin aku akan mengumpat, mungkin tidak. Tidaklah sampai mengambil masa menulis pendapatku tentangnya.
Kenapa aku berminat kepada subjek perbualan A dan B? Kerana watak itu, C, merupakan seorang anak YB.
Daerah yang terpencil ini ada YB sendiri? Biar betul.
Daerah yang hanya memiliki paling banyak tiga orang kakitangan yang bekerja di kaunter Pejabat Pendaftaran Negara? Tempat ini bagaikan neraka di mana nombor giliran boleh mencecah paling kurang 200 orang dalam sehari, di mana bumiputera Sabah bagaikan pelarian dari entah mana, bertenggek di pejabat kecil di mana prosedurnya lembap terima kasih kepada bilangan pekerja yang sedikit?
Daerah yang tersenarai sebagai antara daerah terkotor di Malaysia?
Daerah di mana CD lucah dijual oleh segelintir penjaja di pasar sayur dan buah – buahan, dan kenyataan bahawa hanya segelintir yang menanggapnya sebagai masalah?
Aku bukan orang yang tepat untuk mengkritik. Tapi aku sebagai warga daerah yang aku sayang ini, tidak kira betapa lembap, kotor dan kurang kemudahannya, wajar menilai.
Sampai satu ketika, aku tiada perasaan bila orang lain bercerita tentang YB. Aku sedar bahawa daerah ini ada YBnya sendiri, namun aku seakan – akan menerima kenyataan yang YB kita hanya sekadar pada nama. Tiada apa yang meletakkan beliau sebagai seorang yang lebih berhormat, kerana beliau cuma manusia yang diapungkan oleh golongan yang tidak begitu ambil peduli tentang daerah yang aku sayang ini. Semuanya tentang kepentingan sendiri.
Seperti aku sendiri yang tidak tau sepatah haram pun nama menteri kabinet selain yang fixture dalam akhbar. Kalau menghafalnya pun sekadar untuk karangan BM saja. Bagaikan mahu menangis aku menonton rancangan analisis politik Astro Awani kegemaran Bapak – tiada tarikan, gimik murah semata. Bukanlah ingin menonjolkan pemikiranku yang shallow, tapi bagi aku politik memang KOTOR.
Salah satu sebab aku tidak mahu menjadi seorang dewasa ialah kerana tidak mahu dipertanggungjawabkan untuk mengundi. Aku tidak mahu memilih si mulut manis yang tiba – tiba lesap semasa kita memerlukannya.
Semasa pilihanraya, bertempek – tempek flyer yang menyuruh kami mengundi YB, sampai aku yang jahil politik inipun tiba – tiba boleh hafal namanya. Aku malah bertanya kawan se-batchku sekiranya ada kaitan dengan YB, kerana nama bapak mereka sama. (Tiada kaitan berabis)
Tapi itulah, habis pilihanraya, mukanya pun aku tidak ingat.
Apa yang aku ingin ketengahkan di sini ialah bagaimana seorang YB yang sepatutnya menegakkan keadilan dalam daerah naungannya membiarkan anaknya yang masih di bawah umur, bukan sahaja memandu atau menunggang, malah memiliki, kenderaannya SENDIRI.
Aku tidak cemburu kerana aku tidak pandai menunggang motosikal ataupun tidak pandai memandu. Naik basikal bolehlah. Aku tidak sedih kerana kawan – kawan yang lain sudah memiliki lesen sendiri sedangkan aku masih naik kereta Bapak atau bertambang bas saja. Soal cemburu tidak relevan. Soal proriti YB yang aku hairan.
Fikirlah secara logik. Anak sendiri mendapat kemewahan melimpah – limpah sedangkan tanggungjawab kepada penduduk daerah terpencil ini? Sedangkan RM1.00 pun amat bermakna bagi orang seperti aku. Bagi dia? Bagi keluarganya?
Aku bukan manusia yang perfect, selalu tanggungjawabku tidak aku pikul dengan sebaik mungkin, tidak setanding dengan orang lain, namun aku rasa aku berhak bertanya, siapa YB kita?
Yang tambah bikin pening lagi, A dan B seakan – akan menganggap C seorang yang istimewa. Atas apa? Budi pekerti? Tidak relevan. Wang? Fikirlah sendiri. Rupa? Memang manis orangnya, tapi tetap tiada kaitan.
Nama. Hanya sekadar pada nama seseorang itu diiktiraf. Sekadar nama bapanya membuatkannya berhormat. Kerana C anak orang kaya, tindakannya melanggar undang – undang dianggap istimewa atau cool.
“Orang, biasanya ni, kalau sudah rasa terlalu nyaman, punya kekuasaan, punya wang banyak, lupa diri. Maunya tambah kekuasaan, tambah kekayaan, dengan menghalalkan segala cara. Kalau perlu segala kekayaan negeri ini untuk keluarganya saja”Laskar Pelangi, Andrea Hirata (Ani’s recommendation. Thanks!)
Surah Al Ahzab, ayat 72
Biarlah aku kekal pada aturan asal blog ini: watak – watak yang anonymous dan hanya berkisar luahan ringan topik – topik remeh dalam hidup aku. Bahasaku memanglah bahasa LD, jadi sebarang kesalahan dalam bahasaku – tidak kira bahasa Melayu atau English ataupun kedua – duanya sekali, aku memang akui.
Perbualan di bawah bukanlah rekaan semata. Cuma aku sudah memotong bahagian – bahagian yang mundane dan tiada kaitan dengan topik yang bakal aku utarakan hari ini.
A : Kawanmu tu, setiap hari datang bawa motosikal siapa?
B : Motornya sendirilah.
A : Dia ada motor sendiri?
B : Bukan motor saja, kereta pun ada.
A : Padahal masih bawah umur. Mana ada lesen?
B : Memang begitu dia bah. Dalam dompetnya tidak pernah lekang 50 ringgit.
A : Ndakpala, orang kaya jugak dia.
Mau juga aku fikir yang aku ni jenis yang tidak sibuk hal orang lain. Mungkin aku akan mendengar kisah – kisah begini dan berdasarkan mood, mungkin aku akan mengumpat, mungkin tidak. Tidaklah sampai mengambil masa menulis pendapatku tentangnya.
Kenapa aku berminat kepada subjek perbualan A dan B? Kerana watak itu, C, merupakan seorang anak YB.
Daerah yang terpencil ini ada YB sendiri? Biar betul.
Daerah yang hanya memiliki paling banyak tiga orang kakitangan yang bekerja di kaunter Pejabat Pendaftaran Negara? Tempat ini bagaikan neraka di mana nombor giliran boleh mencecah paling kurang 200 orang dalam sehari, di mana bumiputera Sabah bagaikan pelarian dari entah mana, bertenggek di pejabat kecil di mana prosedurnya lembap terima kasih kepada bilangan pekerja yang sedikit?
Daerah yang tersenarai sebagai antara daerah terkotor di Malaysia?
Daerah di mana CD lucah dijual oleh segelintir penjaja di pasar sayur dan buah – buahan, dan kenyataan bahawa hanya segelintir yang menanggapnya sebagai masalah?
Aku bukan orang yang tepat untuk mengkritik. Tapi aku sebagai warga daerah yang aku sayang ini, tidak kira betapa lembap, kotor dan kurang kemudahannya, wajar menilai.
Sampai satu ketika, aku tiada perasaan bila orang lain bercerita tentang YB. Aku sedar bahawa daerah ini ada YBnya sendiri, namun aku seakan – akan menerima kenyataan yang YB kita hanya sekadar pada nama. Tiada apa yang meletakkan beliau sebagai seorang yang lebih berhormat, kerana beliau cuma manusia yang diapungkan oleh golongan yang tidak begitu ambil peduli tentang daerah yang aku sayang ini. Semuanya tentang kepentingan sendiri.
Seperti aku sendiri yang tidak tau sepatah haram pun nama menteri kabinet selain yang fixture dalam akhbar. Kalau menghafalnya pun sekadar untuk karangan BM saja. Bagaikan mahu menangis aku menonton rancangan analisis politik Astro Awani kegemaran Bapak – tiada tarikan, gimik murah semata. Bukanlah ingin menonjolkan pemikiranku yang shallow, tapi bagi aku politik memang KOTOR.
Salah satu sebab aku tidak mahu menjadi seorang dewasa ialah kerana tidak mahu dipertanggungjawabkan untuk mengundi. Aku tidak mahu memilih si mulut manis yang tiba – tiba lesap semasa kita memerlukannya.
Semasa pilihanraya, bertempek – tempek flyer yang menyuruh kami mengundi YB, sampai aku yang jahil politik inipun tiba – tiba boleh hafal namanya. Aku malah bertanya kawan se-batchku sekiranya ada kaitan dengan YB, kerana nama bapak mereka sama. (Tiada kaitan berabis)
Tapi itulah, habis pilihanraya, mukanya pun aku tidak ingat.
Apa yang aku ingin ketengahkan di sini ialah bagaimana seorang YB yang sepatutnya menegakkan keadilan dalam daerah naungannya membiarkan anaknya yang masih di bawah umur, bukan sahaja memandu atau menunggang, malah memiliki, kenderaannya SENDIRI.
Aku tidak cemburu kerana aku tidak pandai menunggang motosikal ataupun tidak pandai memandu. Naik basikal bolehlah. Aku tidak sedih kerana kawan – kawan yang lain sudah memiliki lesen sendiri sedangkan aku masih naik kereta Bapak atau bertambang bas saja. Soal cemburu tidak relevan. Soal proriti YB yang aku hairan.
Fikirlah secara logik. Anak sendiri mendapat kemewahan melimpah – limpah sedangkan tanggungjawab kepada penduduk daerah terpencil ini? Sedangkan RM1.00 pun amat bermakna bagi orang seperti aku. Bagi dia? Bagi keluarganya?
Aku bukan manusia yang perfect, selalu tanggungjawabku tidak aku pikul dengan sebaik mungkin, tidak setanding dengan orang lain, namun aku rasa aku berhak bertanya, siapa YB kita?
Yang tambah bikin pening lagi, A dan B seakan – akan menganggap C seorang yang istimewa. Atas apa? Budi pekerti? Tidak relevan. Wang? Fikirlah sendiri. Rupa? Memang manis orangnya, tapi tetap tiada kaitan.
Nama. Hanya sekadar pada nama seseorang itu diiktiraf. Sekadar nama bapanya membuatkannya berhormat. Kerana C anak orang kaya, tindakannya melanggar undang – undang dianggap istimewa atau cool.
“Orang, biasanya ni, kalau sudah rasa terlalu nyaman, punya kekuasaan, punya wang banyak, lupa diri. Maunya tambah kekuasaan, tambah kekayaan, dengan menghalalkan segala cara. Kalau perlu segala kekayaan negeri ini untuk keluarganya saja”Laskar Pelangi, Andrea Hirata (Ani’s recommendation. Thanks!)
Jul 15, 2008
To Khazinatul Asrar
What a lovely day
The clouds are grey
It's about to rain
With the harsh wind I'll send
My thoughts of you so you know
How much I love you before you go
Farther from me, please don't
Without you I'm so alone
Though you may not hear my words
You've no idea how much it hurts
To see you leaving on the big bus
I'll beg you to stay though you must
Traverse from here to maturity
Until we're as apart as we can be
I don't want to let go of your hand
If you're torn I'll readily mend
What matters is that you believe
In the faith I'll willingly give
For you to return unaltered
Don't let your ways be faltered
Ustaz just said that when you have a strong bond with someone, you're attached: when one thinks of someone, that very someone in thinking of that person too.
I'm constantly thinking about you, is it the same with you?
No matter how far we are, we're still sisters.
And you should know, no matter how terrible your results are, and how dissapointed our mak and bapak are, I don't care - I won't bat an eyelid.
You'll still be my Khazinatul Asrar.
And that's a promise!
The clouds are grey
It's about to rain
With the harsh wind I'll send
My thoughts of you so you know
How much I love you before you go
Farther from me, please don't
Without you I'm so alone
Though you may not hear my words
You've no idea how much it hurts
To see you leaving on the big bus
I'll beg you to stay though you must
Traverse from here to maturity
Until we're as apart as we can be
I don't want to let go of your hand
If you're torn I'll readily mend
What matters is that you believe
In the faith I'll willingly give
For you to return unaltered
Don't let your ways be faltered
Ustaz just said that when you have a strong bond with someone, you're attached: when one thinks of someone, that very someone in thinking of that person too.
I'm constantly thinking about you, is it the same with you?
No matter how far we are, we're still sisters.
And you should know, no matter how terrible your results are, and how dissapointed our mak and bapak are, I don't care - I won't bat an eyelid.
You'll still be my Khazinatul Asrar.
And that's a promise!
Jul 11, 2008
Excuses, Excuses, Excuses
Assalamualaikum..
Well, last week's essay assignment was on the good of nursing homes. Even as the teacher gave us some guidelines I was moaning since I knew it would be hard to do.
I mean, it's hard to write something when you don't believe in it, right? Of course it is possible, but yeah, I would despise it later.
So I procrastinated..
And procrastinated..
The next thing I knew it had to be passed up on Friday. Argh! So I brought myself to do it (amid much yawning during staying up).
Well, last week's essay assignment was on the good of nursing homes. Even as the teacher gave us some guidelines I was moaning since I knew it would be hard to do.
I mean, it's hard to write something when you don't believe in it, right? Of course it is possible, but yeah, I would despise it later.
So I procrastinated..
And procrastinated..
The next thing I knew it had to be passed up on Friday. Argh! So I brought myself to do it (amid much yawning during staying up).
I tried, but I was out. It was just too hard. I mean, nursing homes may be for people who want to ensure their parents' well-being (safety, boredom, so on so forth) but come on, they're just excuses.
Those children who want to get rid of their parents are using the most feel-good method and later plays verbiage by saying that it's for their beloved old folks' own good. And I don't care if I'm being fair or not, I don't care if I'm talking about things I haven't really grasped yet.
Although I never imagined myself on their shoes, I'm not saying that I would never ever be tempted to do it. Never say never. (Nau'dzubillah!)
I just think they're excuses.
I mean, why wouldn't people admit their mistakes? I didn't confine that question at others but me.
I know it's my fault that I'm not very likeable. I don't like most types of people. And that's very evident.
I know it's my fault that I always have economical problems. I'm not very thrifty and I'm not much of a hard worker to maintain my qualities.
I know it's my fault I'm so constantly busy. The responsibility is within my limits, it's just me being a procrastiNAST.
I know it's my fault I'm not good at academics. I know I have been lazy, disrespectful, unpatient, everything.
I know it's my fault my parents are struggling. I have always made life hell for them, and not being appreciative after they put up with my unbearable antics.
And so on so forth...
They're just mistakes. I don't think I'll ever learn without making mistakes. And admitting them.
Without all the excuses.
So here's the deal. I'm going to take my father's hand to the parent-teacher-student conference, head down, ready for all the criticism, accusations, allegations.. All of them.
By then I would remember about my unfinished essay that would have to be submitted within two days (after asking for expansion of deadline - speacial case).
*sigh* No excuses.
Jun 21, 2008
Ponder Upon This
Just a little to the right, and upwards a bit,
Would we ever really have a perfect fit?
Always unsatisfied and up for so much more,
Never caring about what life is really for,
Take a moment, ponder the reasons,
Why everything comes in and away like seasons,
Why life keeps kicking you when you’re already done,
With hopes for the best and good and getting none,
Dissatisfaction is an infinite form of disbelieving,
In the power of God and the dark cloud with the silver lining,
Hinder your doubts, for inspirations there’s no need to look too far,
The Creator would show you that your life is perfect the way they are...
Oh hideous hideous hideous. Sorry I'm not good with words but I love writing poetries. So shove it off.
Anyway.
What would that feel like? You know, achieving the peak of happiness (ignore the impossiblity)? I mean, I've had several high points, but I tend to remember the lowdowns more. That's just so integrally me, and I'm not trying to become a pessimist.
Well, when I do feel elated, I hope I could express it in words, like William Blake did:
To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity at the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
RANDOM THOUGHT: With the best of intentions and His name before anything, everything's within reach!
Or at least that's what A said.
Would we ever really have a perfect fit?
Always unsatisfied and up for so much more,
Never caring about what life is really for,
Take a moment, ponder the reasons,
Why everything comes in and away like seasons,
Why life keeps kicking you when you’re already done,
With hopes for the best and good and getting none,
Dissatisfaction is an infinite form of disbelieving,
In the power of God and the dark cloud with the silver lining,
Hinder your doubts, for inspirations there’s no need to look too far,
The Creator would show you that your life is perfect the way they are...
Oh hideous hideous hideous. Sorry I'm not good with words but I love writing poetries. So shove it off.
Anyway.
What would that feel like? You know, achieving the peak of happiness (ignore the impossiblity)? I mean, I've had several high points, but I tend to remember the lowdowns more. That's just so integrally me, and I'm not trying to become a pessimist.
Well, when I do feel elated, I hope I could express it in words, like William Blake did:
To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity at the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
RANDOM THOUGHT: With the best of intentions and His name before anything, everything's within reach!
Or at least that's what A said.
Jun 20, 2008
First First First Blog
So here's the deal:
I made three fervent attempts of posting my first ever blog, and this is the one which actually made it. Looking back, I did not know what was so much of a big deal, I mean, it's only blogging. What could possibly be so hard about posting?
My cheeks were burning at my first attempt. I caught people peering over and I tried very hard to block their view. I knew they were trying to make it difficult for me, and they succeeded. My Maths teacher gave me the final straw, however. He mused, 'Malu2 lagi', and I was off. Never again. However the others were making such hustle and bustle about a normal person of my age getting my feet wet at these things - social networking stuff...
Now that I contemplated over that matter, I figured that they did not find it unusual, although there's something about this selfparading thing that bothers me. Is it weird, being afraid that one's easily-swayed personality might actually be plunged into the unhealthy world of social networking.
So let's draw a line. Avoid the bad stuff and keep my nose clean, and I may actually benefit from this. Moderation is key.
Like I said, it's only blogging, so what's the big deal?
I made three fervent attempts of posting my first ever blog, and this is the one which actually made it. Looking back, I did not know what was so much of a big deal, I mean, it's only blogging. What could possibly be so hard about posting?
My cheeks were burning at my first attempt. I caught people peering over and I tried very hard to block their view. I knew they were trying to make it difficult for me, and they succeeded. My Maths teacher gave me the final straw, however. He mused, 'Malu2 lagi', and I was off. Never again. However the others were making such hustle and bustle about a normal person of my age getting my feet wet at these things - social networking stuff...
Now that I contemplated over that matter, I figured that they did not find it unusual, although there's something about this selfparading thing that bothers me. Is it weird, being afraid that one's easily-swayed personality might actually be plunged into the unhealthy world of social networking.
So let's draw a line. Avoid the bad stuff and keep my nose clean, and I may actually benefit from this. Moderation is key.
Like I said, it's only blogging, so what's the big deal?
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