Tell Me You Are Breathing

Doaku bersamamu, ya ukhti. Harap-harap kau selamat di sana. Aku doakan kau berada di bawah lindungan-Nya. Aku teramat rindu padamu.

It's Okay

So things haven't worked out the way I wanted.

I pictured having no problem securing my campus accommodation, as I thought a guarantee is a guarantee. Yet I'm left out standing in the dark while all my friends got offered places. I found out way too late, it was Friday and I have to wait until Monday to make life-saving calls.

But it's okay.

I pictured the documents coming in and going out flawlessly, that all the bother regarding paperwork is a worry for those who can never relax, yet I'm left out in the farthest corner of Malaysia without submitting two of my most important documents yet.

But it's okay.

I pictured registrations and signing up would not be complicated, that it would be made easy and all I had to do was go with the flow, and I'll be all right. Yet I am swimming against the current, this is a bottleneck effect I'm facing. I'm going to have to make do with doing everything at the last minute.

But it's okay.

Not everything's falling into place. But it's okay.

At least this shows me that I'm not in for some honeymoon in a foreign country. I'm leaving for a fight, both mentally and physically. I'm no longer in autopilot mode. It's time to take charge and quit making excuses.

Truth Be Told

Something about flying off doesn't feel right. I've been waiting for that feeling. For quite some time now. Of being excited to be off to a foreign place. But I'm missing home, already. I'm missing the serenity I could only get when I'm at home. Even before I left. Call me ungrateful. Call me whiny. I certainly would. But even I know, by now, to never judge until I've walked in another person's shoes.

Guess you can never be happy if your priorities are not right, eh? I know why I feel unhappy, incomplete. It's because for most of my life, I've been living with a certain sense of making it through the motions. It's time to live with a sense of purpose, to live with Allah and only Allah as the light by the end of the tunnel.

I've been lost for too long. And the level of emo-ness is kind of embarrassing.

Your Soul Is All That's Left Of You.

Why, you ask, dear self?


It's because you don't take care
of the enlightenment that you should have guarded
with your life


Because you run away from your soul's plea
that's asking you to turn to Him
 to cure your straying heart


Because you miss your trust in Allah
that used to accept anything with a smile and gratitude
that believed that anything paves your way to Him

Repent, oh dear self

I beg you.

I Wrote This For You

http://www.iwrotethisforyou.me/

My serotonin injection. :)

Do Worry, Be Miserable

So... I guess it's official. I'm heading off to Australian National University, Canberra.

I suppose the most natural thing to do now is run around like a headless chicken, as nothing is ticked off the list of things to worry about.

I haven't even started applying for Visa, and the issues surrounding it are much more trouble than they're worth.

Accommodation? I haven't even completed my application. And it's due on 6th.

My future university mates from Taylor's are the very outgoing, outspoken and, well, 'out' people. And then, there's me. Don't get me wrong, they sure are fun people to be around. The problem is the wallflower (me) here.And did I mention the fact that they are, without exception, really, really smart. The kind of smart that I can only hope to be.

I haven't even started seriously worrying about packing, food and money.

But I'm grateful. Short of failing and being lazy all the time, this is a change.

Come what may, challenges! Try me :)

Re-questioning-solution

I'll quit making excuses for myself, and try to push harder.

I'll keep telling myself, this too, shall pass.

This too, shall pass.

This too, shall pass.

This too, shall pass.

This too, shall pass.

2011, I shall pass.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.