To Khazinatul Asrar

What a lovely day
The clouds are grey
It's about to rain
With the harsh wind I'll send
My thoughts of you so you know
How much I love you before you go
Farther from me, please don't
Without you I'm so alone
Though you may not hear my words
You've no idea how much it hurts
To see you leaving on the big bus
I'll beg you to stay though you must
Traverse from here to maturity
Until we're as apart as we can be
I don't want to let go of your hand
If you're torn I'll readily mend
What matters is that you believe
In the faith I'll willingly give
For you to return unaltered
Don't let your ways be faltered

Ustaz just said that when you have a strong bond with someone, you're attached: when one thinks of someone, that very someone in thinking of that person too.
I'm constantly thinking about you, is it the same with you?
No matter how far we are, we're still sisters.
And you should know, no matter how terrible your results are, and how dissapointed our mak and bapak are, I don't care - I won't bat an eyelid.
You'll still be my Khazinatul Asrar.
And that's a promise!

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

Assalamualaikum..
Well, last week's essay assignment was on the good of nursing homes. Even as the teacher gave us some guidelines I was moaning since I knew it would be hard to do.
I mean, it's hard to write something when you don't believe in it, right? Of course it is possible, but yeah, I would despise it later.
So I procrastinated..
And procrastinated..
The next thing I knew it had to be passed up on Friday. Argh! So I brought myself to do it (amid much yawning during staying up).

I tried, but I was out. It was just too hard. I mean, nursing homes may be for people who want to ensure their parents' well-being (safety, boredom, so on so forth) but come on, they're just excuses.

Those children who want to get rid of their parents are using the most feel-good method and later plays verbiage by saying that it's for their beloved old folks' own good. And I don't care if I'm being fair or not, I don't care if I'm talking about things I haven't really grasped yet.

Although I never imagined myself on their shoes, I'm not saying that I would never ever be tempted to do it. Never say never. (Nau'dzubillah!)

I just think they're excuses.

I mean, why wouldn't people admit their mistakes? I didn't confine that question at others but me.

I know it's my fault that I'm not very likeable. I don't like most types of people. And that's very evident.

I know it's my fault that I always have economical problems. I'm not very thrifty and I'm not much of a hard worker to maintain my qualities.

I know it's my fault I'm so constantly busy. The responsibility is within my limits, it's just me being a procrastiNAST.

I know it's my fault I'm not good at academics. I know I have been lazy, disrespectful, unpatient, everything.

I know it's my fault my parents are struggling. I have always made life hell for them, and not being appreciative after they put up with my unbearable antics.

And so on so forth...

They're just mistakes. I don't think I'll ever learn without making mistakes. And admitting them.

Without all the excuses.

So here's the deal. I'm going to take my father's hand to the parent-teacher-student conference, head down, ready for all the criticism, accusations, allegations.. All of them.

By then I would remember about my unfinished essay that would have to be submitted within two days (after asking for expansion of deadline - speacial case).

*sigh* No excuses.

Ponder Upon This

Just a little to the right, and upwards a bit,
Would we ever really have a perfect fit?
Always unsatisfied and up for so much more,
Never caring about what life is really for,
Take a moment, ponder the reasons,
Why everything comes in and away like seasons,
Why life keeps kicking you when you’re already done,
With hopes for the best and good and getting none,
Dissatisfaction is an infinite form of disbelieving,
In the power of God and the dark cloud with the silver lining,
Hinder your doubts, for inspirations there’s no need to look too far,
The Creator would show you that your life is perfect the way they are...

Oh hideous hideous hideous. Sorry I'm not good with words but I love writing poetries. So shove it off.
Anyway.
What would that feel like? You know, achieving the peak of happiness (ignore the impossiblity)? I mean, I've had several high points, but I tend to remember the lowdowns more. That's just so integrally me, and I'm not trying to become a pessimist.
Well, when I do feel elated, I hope I could express it in words, like William Blake did:

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity at the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

RANDOM THOUGHT: With the best of intentions and His name before anything, everything's within reach!
Or at least that's what A said.

First First First Blog

So here's the deal:
I made three fervent attempts of posting my first ever blog, and this is the one which actually made it. Looking back, I did not know what was so much of a big deal, I mean, it's only blogging. What could possibly be so hard about posting?
My cheeks were burning at my first attempt. I caught people peering over and I tried very hard to block their view. I knew they were trying to make it difficult for me, and they succeeded. My Maths teacher gave me the final straw, however. He mused, 'Malu2 lagi', and I was off. Never again. However the others were making such hustle and bustle about a normal person of my age getting my feet wet at these things - social networking stuff...
Now that I contemplated over that matter, I figured that they did not find it unusual, although there's something about this selfparading thing that bothers me. Is it weird, being afraid that one's easily-swayed personality might actually be plunged into the unhealthy world of social networking.
So let's draw a line. Avoid the bad stuff and keep my nose clean, and I may actually benefit from this. Moderation is key.
Like I said, it's only blogging, so what's the big deal?