You're Something Like The Dream I Forgot I Wanted To Dream

If I may digress from all the hustle and bustle of mere nothingness please?

Thank you, ya Rabb. Thank you for clearing my eyes.

Dear Strut-And-Fretting Self

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Don't be afraid of what you do not know.

Anybody can be a rebel but not all are with a cause. Some people go around like big shots criticizing things they don't really know about. Here's a suggestion. Feel free to criticize all you want but please actually know what you're talking about.

Only then would you start being part of the changes you want to see.

And Hereby I Declare

That I won't let this Ramadan just pass me by.

It is a lifetime of wonderful I'm living. Maybe sometimes the choices I make are the ones which taint it. But I always have a way to cleanse my mistakes. I have Allah, and I can always beg for forgiveness, to start anew.

And hereby I declare that:

1. I would maximize my amalan this Ramadhan, and make everything I do is for Allah.
2. I would do my absolute best to get 5A's for the upcoming trials.
3. I would not waste my time anymore.

Pray for me. I'm posting this so I would feel guilty if I break my own publicly-made promise. And the decree starts...

NOW.

Insyaallah! Assalamualaikum. :)

The Blank Pages Left Unwritten

When I'm alone, I dream on the horizon. And words fail. Yes, I know there is no light in a room where the sun is not there. If you are not with me. At the windows, show everyone my heart which you set alight. Enclose within me the light you encountered on the street.

Time to say goodbye to countries I never saw and shared with you. Now, yes, I shall experience them. I’ll go with you on ships across seas. Which, I know, exist no longer. With you I shall experience them.

When you are far away I dream on the horizon. And words fail. And yes, I know that you are with me. You, my moon, are here with me. My sun, you are here with me.

With me, with me, with me.

('Con Te Partiro', Lucio Quarantotto)

That was what I was expecting you to write on. But you left anyway, and I’m left with what could have been. I know what you’re saying: I have to stop looking at the words that are not there, and see the ones you wrote.

And that, I wrote a smile in my own pages and, another day I gathered the strength to pull through. Just another day. My pages need writing, and I hope when it’s finally time to put down my pen, I would know how it feels to be you.

I forgot my promises, but now I remember. Why, after committing sins I was aware of, why?

Forgive me ya Allah, forgive me my beloved ones. Your love now pulled me back to the ground, and I would try to compensate for the sins I've made.

My Posts Are Done During Assignments

And I'm sure it's the same for everybody, is it not? Escapism is our common denominator.

So is forgetfulness, except for maybe some of us.

How many hours of the day do we go about our own realizing the true incandescence of the matter that Heaven is way too priceless for people who merely go about their lives.

Funny how we only savor the perilous road when we realize it's handpicked by Allah S.W.T. for us.

And funny, how easily do we forget - while being lullabied away from our senses with the pleasures of the world.

While being tricked by our own masquerade - do we even realize when we become holier-than-thou?

Or while being so caught up in the demands of day-to-day living?

The world is hell for true mukmins. And it's way too short a journey for us to pay the rightful price of Heaven.

Ask ourselves: do we deserve Heaven at the rate we're going?

The little girl with the uneven specks of face powder is heaven-bound, insya-Allah. And that thought alone keeps us going.

Yes, I may remember now. But it's a long path to tread and I'm human. I forget inevitably.

That's why, friend, I need you to remind me, always wake me up from my ecstasies.

"But seek, with the (wealth) which Allah has bestowed on thee, the Home of the Hereafter, nor forget thy portion in this world: but do thou good, as Allah has been good to thee, and seek not (occasions for) mischief in the land: for Allah loves not those who do mischief."
Al-Qasas: 77

Assalamualaikum.

Sweet, Beautiful Comeuppance

Dear people who conformed to the hypocrisy of the society, I pity you.

You bow your head to them and let them immobilize your courage by pointing a gun at your image.

Finding yourself wanting to please your oppressor? 

Smile, and kiss their ego for the sake of being in 'it'. Dear people!

I was not a delinquent nor unnaturally weird. It was my clear head you ridiculed.

I had a voice and I defied your pretentious norms.

That time I learned that I was weird, I realized my authenticity.

And you can only find the ruins of a beautiful stage, where did it all go, huh?

A beautiful mask you're afraid to take off. Would they still like you?

Live on in your little shell, dear. Go on living for their acceptance.

It's better to be hated for something I am rather than being loved for something I'm not.

Dear those whose sustenance was on trampling on other's insecurities.

Pity, you yesterdays' people. Shallow and forgotten.

P/S: After reading Wielding's The Altar of the Family. They should make one on The Altar of the Fake Friendships.

Assalamualaikum :)

LoveLetter To The Newest Member Of The 19th Club

8th April :)

Screw the poetries. You are truly a gift bestowed upon this wretched soul - a reason to look forward to weekends.
Just so you know. You are The Once-In A Lifetime Friend.
One who I can spend hours with without saying anything, and one who can equally stand my extreme bubbly-ness for hours.
One who would accept me the way I am, and who I would not have otherwise.
And one so unguarded for me to really see through... And one of the rare ones I can really open up to..
One who can trust me enough to let go, and one I can hold on to forever
Friends come and go. And you too. But you never fail to come back.
My dear, Andi Adlyana binti Andi Anwar. Your names may change: Andi, Dolly, Lyana. We've had our falls, but our beautiful moments linger.
But you are still you - your true colors, flawed and helplessly sincere - the best friend I can ever wish to have.
And all my best prayers to you, my future doctor. Happy 19th! Allah selamatkan kamu!
Let the rest of your days be blessed with equal sadness and happiness, and your heart never falter from holding on to your faith.
If you find yourself in a pitfall just submit yourself to His will and remember my name. You know I'll always be on your side, right?
Since I'm incapacitated for any gifts of materialistic value, this song is for you:



You with the sad eyes
don't be discouraged
oh I realize
it's hard to take courage
in a world full of people
you can lose sight of it all
and the darkness inside you
can make you fell so small

But I see your true colors
shining through
I see your true colors
and that's why I love you
so don't be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful
like a rainbow

Show me a smile then
don't be unhappy, can't remember
when I last saw you laughing
if this world makes you crazy
and you've taken all you can bear
you call me up
because you know I'll be there 

Lots of love,

Your F4L.