New Year's Post (Part 1)

It really is 2016. I'm turning 25 this year.

I've been hearing this lately - that wherever you end up, regardless of how you feel about it at the time, you will learn something. At least something.

I started 2015 as a fresh grad, facing that fresh grad syndrome of not knowing whether anyone would want to employ me for a period of one month or so. To be fair I've been angsting for the whole year before that so it probably was longer.

I've had 3 jobs over the span of last year. The first as a substitute English teacher. The second as a junior paralegal. The third as a government trainee of sorts. I can safely say that I've learned from all of them.

That brief time as a sub teacher taught me of the heavy burden that teachers face. You think teaching is easy? Go teach at a sekolah kebangsaan for one or two weeks. I've always had uncharitable thoughts towards some of my own teachers who fall short of my oh captain-my captain ideal. I thought that if you give me a class I'll surely do it the right way.

Sometime during that short period I ended up crying before a classroom full of students. Raised my voice and talked down to students who just won't reciprocate. Giving apologetic looks to teachers who pass by my class for not being able to keep the class volume down.

Your class will never be ideal enough for you to bring your teaching ideals to life. You can't exactly look at them as equals and expect them to reciprocate as equals do. When you first come in, establish your dominance or they'll walk all over you. Animal Planet voiceover played in my head as I justify shouting at my students. I generally don't shout to anyone outside my immediate family but my vocal box got a fair exercise those few weeks.

I also learn a lot from the teachers themselves. You have to really love teaching to be able to withstand this kind of stress for a long time. One particular teached wrote really personal, attentive notes on her students in her Buku Rekod Mengajar. Things like, the students disappointed me today, or, the students showed great initiative, they've improved - things like that. I'm not good at describing how it was but when I went through that one record book I got inspired by her dedication and tirelessness. How, despite losing her idealistic view of how students can be developed to their full potential years ago, she still does her best.

So, lesson: no matter what you end up becoming, do your best.

I'll talk about the other two jobs another time. For now, happy new year!!!