Unworthy

Envy strikes this little conscience.

Of how wonderful you are.

And my inadequacy. 

Of how unfortunate you are,

To have your path cross mine.

Apologies need to be said.

But I'll refrain.

Why?

The simple answer is staring right at you.

But why are you trying to elude it?

Inevitable Procrastinast

I cannot be left to my own devices. I have weak willpower, and some sort of vulnerability towards leisure.

First picture of procrastination on Google.

Aish, no shortcuts to success! Keep yourself busy. The work will not finish by itself.

You

Life is lived in retrospect.
Only come to live what has passed by.
Come to see the present to endure.
And the past to enjoy.
For the things that linger, to survive the test of memory.
To be kept in a sacred little box.
Buried where we can find it.
So we can come around and remember that all those treasures.
Were once ours.
That we were once worthy of them.
And, another smile.

You're in this little treasure chest of mine.

I do this every year. But every year, I mean it. And every year, the farther you are, the more I hope you'll understand how much I mean it. Selamat hari lahir, may Allah bless you, guide you every second of the way.

May this friendship of ours, survive another decade. And another. And maybe a few more after that :)

Assalamualaikum.!

Exclusion

In a parallel universe
Looking at the person playing me, right here, right now.

Underwhelmed. Overwhelmed.
Everything in between is surreal.

Reality as false as my imaginations.
When was the trip?
There had to be.

Oh time.
Time, time, time!
For staying. For leaving.

Surge of people. And none affects.

Sincerity, you're gone.

From me. And all these.

I ask of you.

Come and make a home out of my life
But do not overstay your feelings.
Worth giving it a try, no?

Everyone Has It Hard

"Every time you commit one more mistake, you feel you can't repent and that it's way too late. You're so confused. Wrong decisions you have made haunt your mind and your heart is full shame. But don't despair and never lose hope, because Allah is always by your side. Turn to Allah, He's never far away. Put your trust in Him, raise your hands and pray: Ya Allah, guide my steps, don't let me go astray, you're the only one who can show me the way"

Make a start. 


If you relapse, make another start. If you betray that start, make another. Go on and on. Just be sure you really mean it each time you work for a new beginning. 


It's all about that first step. It's all about the little things, it's all about the choices. If you made a wrong choice you will know it is wrong. And tell yourself everytime you walk in guilt, that another second spent on not turning back is multiple the effort you will need to forgive yourself. And self forgiveness, can only be found through repentance.


My friend, we all know why. We know that we've gotten lost, because we fail to listen to that voice inside our heart, that's asking us for a sense of purpose. We've ignored that sound because we fear we could not find the answer even if we look for it. It has simply became automatic that repentance is only for days, days which do not include today. Repentance is for that someday. The time would come. In the meantime, just keep waiting.


No.


Turn around, turn around. It's your uneasiness, as a way of driving you away from hard work. And your insides will learn to shut up if you keep walking long enough. But you know well of the day when you feel down, when you feel your heart longing for something more. Something more. Something more.


More than the taxing demands of ambition, more than the ecstasy of social niceties. More than what they call 'living'. By the end of the day, you'll feel worn out by your own shallowness.


Just know, you can always turn around. You should care, because it's you. Just take that difficult turn, make a step. Move the other foot forward. Maybe at this point you would feel like standing around and giving it a rest, it's maybe more favorable to keep walking as you have. But don't, I beg you, don't.


Take another step. The farther you walk away from where you contemplate giving up, the stronger you get. If you take a brief turnaround, back to where you spent what felt like a while ago, just know time is still waiting around, patiently, for you to give it another try.


Don't let time give up on you.

Our Little Sweetheart

We miss you.