Declaration Of War On Terror

-IZING ASSIGNMENTS. I'll win it, insyaAllah.

The to-do lists. Pasted on the studying wall, so any appetite for holidaying is killed. Congrats, dear self.

And so, warfare makes for a lesson, the hard way.

The war on self-destructibility, would be a dart on the bullseye. The assignments are not the villains, if you care to rethink.

How does that one-liner go again? Life's a climb, but the view is beautiful. Or rather, the abyss is grim. Try not to fall down. 

Of course that's not the way to see it, right?

No, it's not the abyss, not the peak. Not the climb either. The question is not what and how. It's who you do it for.

It's His blessings and your family's happiness that can keep you planting your feet forward. Not your own appetite for success, dear self, being the unambitious person that you are. 

Oh blessings, I'm one of those people lucky enough to have homeworks and catching up with studies as my primary focus for the time being.

But sad to say, being yours truly, I'm still trying to resist the temptation to kick back in leisure. 

Oh perseverance, it's time for your rare performances in my stage. And oh brain, please just cooperate? Time to justify your part in bringing me here.

What have I been mumbling about? About my duties? About my attempt at self-motivation?

Out of the question, right? So scratch it off. Screw the complications.

I don't need an answer. Because I made so many promises, and that knowledge is more than enough.

And oh yes. Assalamualaikum :)

* p/s I believe in my own blabbering. It makes me, me*

The Real Durratun Jannah

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

I will not write a memoir of her. At least not yet.

Because my humble ability can never dream to justify how much she means to us.

I will never use past tense for her, because she is already immortalized in our hearts.

She didn't leave us.

She just went before us. All of us are going to that place, inevitably.

It's just a matter of whether we would be qualified for a place in jannah alongside this sinless little angel.

Love: Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies

Then do ye remember Me; I will remember you. Be grateful to Me, and reject not Faith. O ye who believe! seek help with patient perseverance and prayer; for Allah is with those who patiently persevere. And say not of those who are slain in the way of Allah. "They are dead." Nay, they are living, though ye perceive (it) not. Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, Who say, when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return":- They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance.

Noble Quran 2: 152-157

Or do ye think that ye shall enter the Garden (of bliss) without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? they encountered suffering and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the Messenger and those of faith who were with him cried: "When (will come) the help of Allah." Ah! Verily, the help of Allah is (always) near!

Noble Quran 2 : 214

On no soul doth Allah place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith."

Noble Quran 2 : 286

Kukatakan kepada diri, "Allah lebih menyayanginya"
Baru kusedari yang rupanya Allah lebih menyayangiku.

Jika inilah jalan yang engkau pilih untukku mendapat keredhaanMu, maka aku bersyukur.

Of Screwed-Up Exams

Assalamualaikum.

The title says it all.

No. It was not said with a sad tone. A neutral one.

I thought of writing an inspirational piece. Because they say that the most beautiful pieces come from a broken heart. Not the case for me. Ehehe.

So I'll just be direct.

I miss Nenek, Bapak, Mak, Ani, Erin, Meli, Aishah, Nia, JenJen, Yaya, Pakcik Odak, Pakcik Unus, Santi, Iya, Kila, and Sapik so much that I know that I am so capable of sincere loving.

I miss waking up at home, massaging my mother, watching TV and my little sister's fights. I miss the porch and the kedai. I miss my mother's lekor. I miss everything about home.

I miss not knowing how it may feel to miss them. But I'm okay :)

I know that I am okay, eventhough I  screwed my Economics test. Because I tried my best, and am planning to try harder.

There. My masterpiece :)

Less Said, More Thought

South Australian Matriculation? Self Abuse Matriculation? Super-Annoying Matriculation? Saya Akan Mampus? Semua Assignment Matriculation? Study Atau Mati?

I'll take you on.

Try me.

I Really Love The Feeling Of Cherishing What I Have

I'm eighteen. And starting to realize what being eighteen feels like.

I feel like this is the point I'd like to stop transitioning. Oh, I feel so old in my own immaturity.

Where my home  is seldom completely tidy and clean, thanks to the unruly brats. Oh, and the unruly brats’ shrill sounds in the morning when I am sleeping, and the mornings I wake up without having the equivalent of a heart attack.

One of the little things I learn to love. My dull life, my simple life, is my life. I don’t want to live another person’s life, because then I wouldn’t have all these beautiful things that may seem petty to others, but is the subject of my imagination when I was in the seventh floor of Casa Subang looking outside the window to see so many signs of life, and still felt incomplete.

It feels like I never left home when I’m here, and to feel that someday I have to venture outside the confines of my comfort zone is melancholic enough.

I mean. I’m not going to live at my parents’ forever. The little horrors would grow up, and people die. My parents will die. And I will too.

That’s why I’m cherishing these things now, and let time do its magic.

After all. I'm trying to relinquish my adulthood of responsibilities and hold on to my diminishing carefree childhood. But man proposes, God disposes.

And because I know that Allah S.W.T. would take care of me, I know that I'll survive, even though sometimes it may feel like rock bottom.

P/S : I am mumbling and bored.

P/P/S : I got more than what I bargained for my IELTS. Alhamdulillah :). But my parents manage to see a loophole in it. Haha.

The Five And Sixth Senses Make Me Depressed. So How?

Assalamualaikum to my best friends and my sister - the only ones who read this blog.

I used to wonder why Mr. V didn’t practice. He had the gift of the gab, the confidence, the analytical mind and every ingredient one needs to become a great lawyer but he opted become a lecturer instead.

Now that I knew the reason, I felt like I shouldn’t have asked.

“Conscience got the better of me”

He could earn good, and I mean good by really good money by staying on to his primary pursuit of career, but he regarded it nothing as compared to the sacrifices he had to make.

Sacrifices included his reluctant involvement into corruptions off all sorts.

“Honesty is a fairytale these days. They don’t exist. If you insist on being honest, you would be a lawyer on a bicycle”

Time to get back to my basics. So I know that achieving what I set out for would mean going against the system that is and would be funding the rest of my studies  - which may mean either disloyalty or honesty.

And to tell me that such things no longer exist. What a boost to my confidence, eh?

Now I agree when people tell me that what I advocate is the pathway to hell, beautifully masqueraded by the facade of individuals actually standing a chance in making a change – a change.

Now. Wasn’t that why I was here? To make a change? To draw the distinction between fairness and injustice?

I’m seriously depressed of the weakness of my own mentality, being unable to utter one point of authority over my own agendas – the ones which I should have held on tight to. I am depressed at the fact that I am seemingly giving up before even trying hard.

May Allah guide my path, and if becoming a lawyer on a bicycle is what I have to resort to in the face of all that nonsense, then I should as well start preparing myself for it.

By the way, I finished my IELTS last Saturday. If I were the examiner 7.5 would be out of the question, I probably don't deserve that much, but then again, tawakkal. Hehe. I did my best.