I finished my bibliography in an hour. Unheard of. Printed the whole thing and wrote the wordcount for each page. Raced my way to the services office and found the front cover. Staple. Ugh. Wrongly. Another try. Fill the details... Submit.. Ah heck.
"3.05" said the guy behind the service counter. I was ready to put on my I'm-ready-to-accept-any-form-of-punishment-but-I-would-very-much-love-a-bit-of-discretion face, until he said, "This is the last one for today"
"You mean mine is exempted?"
"Yeah, yours is safe. Cheers"
Suddenly, those all-nighters seemed to come down to a (rather undecidedly good or bad outcome - I haven't received the paper yet - not looking forward to either) conclusion.
May 16, 2011
May 15, 2011
La Tas'aluni
Don't ask me about my life, they're the secrets of life.
It's a grant, an ordeal, it is a world of desires.
I have sold it to God and then went away in the procession of the guided ones.
"O ye who believe! Shall I lead you to a bargain that will save you from a grievous Penalty? That ye believe in Allah and His Messenger, and that ye strive (your utmost) in the Cause of Allah, with your property and your persons: That will be best for you, if ye but knew! He will forgive you your sins, and admit you to Gardens beneath which Rivers flow, and to beautiful mansions in Gardens of Eternity: that is indeed the Supreme Achievement. And another (favour will He bestow,) which ye do love,- help from Allah and a speedy victory. So give the Glad Tidings to the Believers"
As-Saff: 10-13.
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It's a lonely world, I suppose, when you are an introvert. You would drift back to living inside your own mind, and, no matter how much you value solitude, there comes a point when you would appreciate nothing more than a diversion from yourself.
Your judgment of your own life is inevitably constrained within the limited ranges of your own experience, and may I say, you will become too self-absorbed. In some occasions life will feel like it is on the upper end of the spectrum - but most of the time, it is a downward spiral.
So that's how I explain depression: when one is consumed with self-dissatisfaction, with awareness of his/her own inadequateness of what is perceived to be capable of making one worthy of happiness and contentment.
Get outside that little universe, seek for air. Don't let your inner preoccupations divert you from the world, which deserves your attention. That is not the reason you are here. Your existence is not attributed to folly.
That's where happiness and contentment comes from - from the knowledge that you are doing yourself and everything you are beholden to, justice - by giving it your all. Your life is not yours to throw away. Give it to God, and what you looked for when you lived your life otherwise - and much more would be granted to you.
Let this be a reminder to me. To always come back to where I feel happy and fulfilled.
May 7, 2011
Contentment Is Yours (If You Want It)
It's... normal.
Disenchantment is normal. Sometimes life felt like a scene out of your life's story and sometimes it felt like another weary part to play.
And, only after almost two decades of being alive only did I find the missing puzzle between living and purpose. I used to hear people harp on about the meaning of the thing we are doing here - living, and I nodded vigorously at most because I could not find any part of me that disagreed - but neither did I find my affirmation backed by any sort of mental appreciation of that very belief.
Understanding is the most beautiful gift - and a clear knowledge of your purpose is, I believe, the start of everything.
Because life used to depend on where you were, emotionally. And when you learn to see it without being tampered by our natural tendency for situational judgment, life acquires a form you could understand - events that felt out of our control becomes less frustrating. And disenchantments, though still a part of one's peaks and troughs, becomes... okay.
We start knowing that things that are out of our control are okay, as long as we choose to do the best with what we can.
Insya-Allah.
And. My words just refuse to take form in a manner I hoped.
Disenchantment is normal. Sometimes life felt like a scene out of your life's story and sometimes it felt like another weary part to play.
And, only after almost two decades of being alive only did I find the missing puzzle between living and purpose. I used to hear people harp on about the meaning of the thing we are doing here - living, and I nodded vigorously at most because I could not find any part of me that disagreed - but neither did I find my affirmation backed by any sort of mental appreciation of that very belief.
Understanding is the most beautiful gift - and a clear knowledge of your purpose is, I believe, the start of everything.
Because life used to depend on where you were, emotionally. And when you learn to see it without being tampered by our natural tendency for situational judgment, life acquires a form you could understand - events that felt out of our control becomes less frustrating. And disenchantments, though still a part of one's peaks and troughs, becomes... okay.
We start knowing that things that are out of our control are okay, as long as we choose to do the best with what we can.
Insya-Allah.
And. My words just refuse to take form in a manner I hoped.
Apr 30, 2011
Unworthy
Envy strikes this little conscience.
Of how wonderful you are.
And my inadequacy.
Of how unfortunate you are,
To have your path cross mine.
Apologies need to be said.
But I'll refrain.
Apr 23, 2011
Inevitable Procrastinast
I cannot be left to my own devices. I have weak willpower, and some sort of vulnerability towards leisure.
Aish, no shortcuts to success! Keep yourself busy. The work will not finish by itself.
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| First picture of procrastination on Google. |
Apr 8, 2011
You
Life is lived in retrospect.
Only come to live what has passed by.
Come to see the present to endure.
And the past to enjoy.
For the things that linger, to survive the test of memory.
To be kept in a sacred little box.
Buried where we can find it.
So we can come around and remember that all those treasures.
Were once ours.
That we were once worthy of them.
And, another smile.
You're in this little treasure chest of mine.
I do this every year. But every year, I mean it. And every year, the farther you are, the more I hope you'll understand how much I mean it. Selamat hari lahir, may Allah bless you, guide you every second of the way.
May this friendship of ours, survive another decade. And another. And maybe a few more after that :)
Assalamualaikum.!
Only come to live what has passed by.
Come to see the present to endure.
And the past to enjoy.
For the things that linger, to survive the test of memory.
To be kept in a sacred little box.
Buried where we can find it.
So we can come around and remember that all those treasures.
Were once ours.
That we were once worthy of them.
And, another smile.
You're in this little treasure chest of mine.
I do this every year. But every year, I mean it. And every year, the farther you are, the more I hope you'll understand how much I mean it. Selamat hari lahir, may Allah bless you, guide you every second of the way.
May this friendship of ours, survive another decade. And another. And maybe a few more after that :)
Assalamualaikum.!
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