Aku sudah berapa kali entah cakap ayat begini. The subtext is: You are all suffocating me. You holy people stay away from me, quit making me feel like such a degenerate. Stop calling me up, asking me to come to your programs, stop forcing me to feel what isn't there. A good friend reflected:
"Kalau zaman sahabat dulu, mereka akan cakap yang dah futur lepas diorang dah penat pergi berperang, penat sangat-sangat. Penat luar biasa la senang kata. Baru lah diorang akan cakap diorang ni futur.
Dalam kes kita ni, kadang-kadang kita cuma rasa tak ada mood je, tak ada semangat je. Rasa letih sebab assignment banyak. So malas nak fikir pasal tarbiyyah diri.
So lepas ni sebelum kita kata, "aku futur", apa kata kita muhasabah balik dan cakap, "Layak ke aku cakap aku futur padahal aku tak la buat kerja macam sahabat buat dulu pun."
Nobody's born perfect. And futur is a deep hole, it always (in my case anyway) drowns out any light of reason. Everything feels like an unfathomable aversion. You start to reconcile the thought that maybe, just maybe, this is the right way to live.
I've had my regular share of futur, having somebody to tell you to click out of it is not that pleasant. It compounds to your whole sentiment about a way of life at that time, and it might lead you further away. So I'm not going to say 'snap out of it' like it is a battle easily fought.
And nobody's going to tell you it is easy. It isn't. But it is a battle worth fighting. It would not befall you if you don't have what it takes to get through that phase without faltering in effort.
Futur is a matter of conquering our own selves. So let's mujahadah! Mari paksa diri! Mari sama-sama lawan futur kita!
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